Fighting For Closeness

My mother and I used to fight so much that she put me in a group home. My mom would come and visit once every two weeks. During the visits, sometimes we would fight. We’d fuss about my behavior at home and about when I could come home again.

I would get extremely mad and start yelling and she would yell at me, too.
Eventually they moved me farther away from my mom because we were fighting so much, and then they moved me again. Even though we fought, I miss her now and I wish that I lived closer to her.

I miss some of the things she used to do to show me she loved me during the times when we were getting along. When I was little, she used to pick me up and hold me when I got hurt. Sometimes she would baby me and tickle me. She’d read me sto- ries and bake chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies. I used to try to eat all the cookies. (Sometimes she would whip me for that.)

Once my mom took my brother and me to Sea World to see all
the whales. That’s a nice memo- ry I have being with her.

Now I just see my mom and my brother on the holidays. I have lots of fun with my cousins. We crack jokes and make each other laugh. I feel happier with them than at almost any other time.

It used to be that I would joke with my cousins all the time about how fat my brother was.More about my feelings, then our relationship would improve even more.

I haven’t apologized to my moth- er. I don’t feel like doing that until she apologizes to me for whupping me so much when I was younger. She did me wrong, too, and I’m still angry. If my mom apologized, it would seem like she wanted to change and that would make me want to

Not having my mother around makes me feel sad and lonely. I wish we could work things out because I don’t want to fight with her anymore.

But one time last year I took the time to talk to my brother and say I’m sorry for talking about him all these years and for the times I beat him up, too.

When I said that, he said, “That’s OK,” and then he kind of smiled. I felt a little better after that.

We haven’t fought since then. I believe that if I had a chance to see my brother and talk to him change. I wish we could work things out because I don’t want to fight with her anymore.

Not having my mother around or having any kind of mother in my life today makes me feel sad and lonely, like there’s no one who cares for me. Being so far from my family sometimes makes me feel like even my mother and brother don’t care for me.

Whenever I ask my mom to take me home and she says no, we fight. But if we saw each other more often, maybe we would have more of a chance to talk. I could ask my mom about how she feels about me, and I could tell her how I feel about her. Then we might be able to work something out. Since I’m older, I would try to talk to her with a level tone and hold my tongue when I wanted to say something smart.

Things might get worse because we argue loud and hard, but I’d rather be screaming and yelling at her than be so far away.

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